A Difficult Decision
by brightspot149
Summary: A contemplative look at the Warden's romantic choices. Inspired by a last-minute decision to try a new option in a play through and explores how the Warden may have come to this decision on her own. Based on in-game events and uses some direct quotes from the game.


**First Fanfaction... So please feel free to comment, and _constructive_ criticism is welcome! Also, I had in mind to write more, so if there is interest, I will continue. But if not, this will be it for this story. Thanks!**

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The warden bent down, resting her arms on her thighs as she sat on her heels to stoke the fire with a nearby stick. She could hear her companions in the background shuffling around and speaking softly as they were pitching their tents at the new campsite. After a long day in Denerim with Alistair, Zevren, and Morrigan, Solona savored the few moments to herself by the fire to think.

They had found Alistair's half-sister, who had turned out to be a bitch, but Solona had found herself telling Alistair that he had to shape up and stop relying so much on others and draw more strength from himself. She was regretting her words a bit now, but he did have some growing up to do, especially since he was technically a possible heir to the throne. Solona found it ironic that a former almost-templar would want to involve himself with a mage. They had grown close over their travels and had exchanged thoughtful gifts, shared personal information and support, and even shared a few kisses. Her heart had grown fond of the handsome, jovial warden, but she had felt doubt seeping as the day had gone on. _If he does become king, there is little possibility that our relationship could continue. Maybe my presence and our relationship would keep him from being the leader he could be._

Another complication had also arisen: Zevran. She had surprised herself when she let the assassin join the group. This had angered Alistair, and rightfully so. But she had let Zev join with the hope that he could provide much needed talents for the group. His flirting was bothersome at first, but over the last week Solona had found herself playing along with the banter when Alistair wasn't around. She didn't intend to go behind Alistair's back, but she felt that her behavior was going to catch up with her at some point. Solona tossed her stick into the building fire as she sighed. "The last thing I want to do is decide," she barely audibly whispered to herself. She stood and turned from the fire to finish setting up her tent.

When she turned, Alistair was standing her, eyes to the ground.

"Alistair!" she exclaimed, jumping back a little as she was startled from her deep thoughts.

"Solona. I… er… I wanted to thank you. For today. I am sorry for what I said earlier." It took Solona a few beats to respond as she felt she should have been the one apologizing. When she finally collected herself, Alistair spoke up again, "I will try for now on to make my own decisions." With that, he briefly looked up and then walked away from her toward his tent.

Solona began to walk after him. "Alistair."

He stopped and turned back to face her. "Yes?"

She had not collected her thoughts yet as to what she wanted to say, but it didn't feel right having him walk away and just calling it a night. There was silence as they looked at each other.

Dropping his eyes, Alistair was again the first to speak. "Alright. I guess I really don't know how to ask you this."

Solona was confused, and arched her eyebrow. "Ask me what?"

Alistair lowered his eyes, making little eye contact. "Oh, how do I say this? You'd think it would be easier, but every time I'm around you, I feel as if my head's about to explode. I… I can't think straight."

Solona was surprised by the sentiment, and all she could think to say was, "That's very sweet!"

He lifted his eyes, but his voice remained shaky. "Here's the thing. Being near you makes me crazy, but I can't imagine being without you. Not… ever."

Solona's breath caught in her throat. _What is he saying? Why now?_

He continued. "I don't know you to say this another way. I want to spend the night with you. Here, in the camp. Maybe this is too fast, I don't know, but… I know what I feel."

She struggled to maintain eye contact and failed. She hadn't expected this, especially with his past. She hadn't even thought of possible answers to this proposition. _If it wasn't for Zevran_… she contemplated _…there would be no question._ _Zevran just jokes anyways, and from his exploits shows no sign of settling down. But what if Alistair becomes king?_ Alistair shifting his weight brought her out of her revere. She did want him, and had felt herself drawn to him since the first time she had met him. But yet… "This is a little sudden, Alistair…"

"I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place. But when will it be perfect? If things were, we wouldn't even have met. We sort of… stumbled into each other, and despite this being the least perfect time, I still found myself falling for you in between all the fighting and everything else. I really don't want to wait any more. I've… I've never done this before. You know that. I want it to be with you… while we have the chance. In case..." He looked away as he trailed off.

Solona felt herself being lost to him as she often was. A part of her wanted to walk away, but that face and those words… She almost felt she would be denying him a very important wish and would crush his heart if she said no. "No need to say anything else. I agree.

Meanwhile...

Zevran leaned forward on the rock he was seated on to get a better angle as he sharpened one of his two blades. "You know what I miss most about Antiva?" Zevran asked Solona's marabari who was stretched out next to him. Barks cocked his head and whined softly. "The leather." He took a deep breath and he continued to sharpen. "It is a smell you get nowhere else. Ferelden just smells like dog, dirt, and darkspawn." Barks growled. "No offense my friend. You see, this is just not a familiar smell for me. Perhaps I will become adjusted as time continues." Hearing voices and movement, Zevran looked up to see Solona entering Alistair's tent, with Alistair in front of her. The corner of Zevran's mouth curled up. "Maybe finally our Grey Wardens will relax a little. Too bad they did not include me though, no?" He let out a sigh. "Do you know how long it has been, my friend, since I last had a woman, or a man?" Barks hid his face with his big paws. "You Fereldens are so finicky; all of you." He finished his last blade and stood to head back to his tent, leaving the fire and Barks behind. As he was entering his tent, he paused when he heard a low moan and a shushing sound.

Once inside his tent, he buckled the leather straps on the tent flaps, sealing himself in. _It has just been too long, _he told himself as he began to take his armor off. _They may choose to do as they wish._ He remembered his first meeting with the Grey Wardens, both bending over him as he clutched his side in pain after trying to kill them both. The mercy she had shown him was unexpected, and he found himself enjoying her company. He had seen the two close however, and had no intensions of interfering. _Nothing but fun._ He heard a few more cries, then the camp fell silent. "So inexperienced," he muttered with a sly smile on his lips.

Later...

Solona had slept for what seemed like a few hours, but found herself lying on her back, staring at the tent fabric. Alistair lay next to her, snoring lightly with an arm draped over her stomach. Letting out a deep breath she began to let her thoughts consume her again. _What a wonderful man: strong, protective, funny, and a sweet lover. Why am I so scared?_ Suddenly she felt very confined. She looked to Alistair who was fast asleep, and continued to watch his face as she slowly lifted his arm off of her and set it next to him. He didn't even stir. Solona quickly donned her underclothes and her light pair of pants and white loose button-down shirt that she wore when she wasn't wearing her robes. Glancing back, she undid the leather buckle on the tent flaps and slipped out. To keep the flaps shut until her return, she found a nearby rock and placed it on the bottom of the flaps.

The fire was still strong, so Solona took a seat close to it on a flat-toped rock. Barks, who was sleeping next to the rock, groggily looked up when Solona sat down, and yawned. "Sorry, boy," she whispered. "Go back to sleep." Barks promptly obeyed, laying his head back down on his paws. Resting her elbows on her knees, she placed her head in her hands, continuing to stare at the fire. Sleep seemed far, far away. Solona glanced up at the numerous starts dotting the black sky above her, her eye catching the full moon. Looking around her, she noticed how well she could see the surrounding tress and mountains in the distance. As she was looking behind her, she noticed a tent moving slightly, and continued to watch.

Zevran appeared from the mouth of the tent. Solona quickly swiveled around to again face the fire and returned her head to her hands. "My fair Grey Warden! And how are you this fine evening?" he asked with playfulness in his fluid Antivan accent. He sat down on the ground next to her, legs crossed, wrists resting on his knees. Solona could see out of the corner of her eye that he was only wearing his undergarments. _I doubt he sleeps in anything…_

She huffed. "Okay, I guess. You?" She looked over at him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well, we are both awake in the middle of the night, are we not?" Zevran exchanged Solona's gaze, and he continued. "You seem very stressed, my Grey Warden." He hesitated, but only barely. "My thought is this: We retire to my tent and I show you the sort of message skills that one only learns growing up in an Antivan whorehouse."

It sounded more like a statement than a request. His light attitude made it difficult for her not smile, but she wanted to be certain what his intentions were. "Would there be more than just a message waiting for me in that tent?"

"Perhaps, perhaps not. You will not be disappointed, I assure you."

"Zevran, I –"

"No, my Grey Warden, I understand. Please forgive me."

Solona's arms dropped to her side. "I was going to ask if you are sure about this."

Zevran laughed lightly. "What is there to fear, my Grey Warden? You deserve a little fun, do you not? If you're not of mind, however, it is no tragedy." Solona noticed him briefly break eye contact.

She smiled and stood. She was tired of feeling confined. Here she was telling Alistair to be his own person, and she herself was struggling. She cared for Alistair a lot, but there was something about Zev she couldn't ignore. "No, I am definitely of a mind."

He smiled smugly. "Then why are we still talking?"


End file.
